20 Year Wedding Anniversary……how I see it.

On June 18, 1993 I started working at Safeway in Spokane, WA.  This is the day I also met my husband, Terry.  I still remember vividly walking into the backroom to finish stocking the dairy cooler and there to my right sat a handsome guy with jet black hair, a beautiful grin, wearing black pants with a white button up shirt sitting on the steps leading to the break room just waiting for his shift to begin.  For the first time in my short 18 years I had the weirdest feeling throughout my whole body.  I………..for the first time felt as though my face was on fire and that it had gone red and was a little embarrassed and all he did was say “Hey, hows it going?” and smile at me!!!!  I don’t remember what I said back but I remember putting my head down and quickly walking to the dairy cooler to finish with my list for stocking the cooler on the floor.  He had me hooked with just his smile!!!

Shortly after this happened, while I was stocking the cooler on the floor  Tara (who was training me), came and started asking me questions……”do you have a boyfriend, how old are you, etc.”……..it wasn’t until she came back a second time with a few more questions did I realize she wasn’t just making conversation with me but asking questions for someone else!!  🙂

We had our first date on July 3rd and were inseparable and living together shortly after.  It was as if we had known each other for years!!  We just clicked and had a blast together, I enjoyed spending every spare moment with him!!!

We got married exactly 6 months to the day after we first met………December 18, 1993.

Now, after 20 years we have three wonderful boys who are all growing up so fast!!!  The oldest is 19 and in college, the middle is 17 and a Junior in high school and our youngest is 15 and a Freshman in high school.

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I’m NOT going to lie……..marriage isn’t easy.  A few years ago when my mother got married for the third time she asked me what advice I had for her on marriage, after giving it some though I told her, “At times in the relationship it is more TAKE than GIVE, and at other times it is more GIVE than you TAKE.”  You have to work at it and want it!!!!  I feel that in our society today we have more divorces due to the fact of it’s easier to give up and much harder to work at keeping a marriage or relationship together.  It is far easier to give up than fight for what you really want and people just seem to accept failure and quitting more often than not.  I do believe that it takes two to make a marriage work and if you are not both willing to put forth the effort then something is wrong and missing.  “If it is meant to be, it will be…….but you have to want it and fight for it!!”

Terry and I have had our ups and downs, our arguments and fights, we have had our good and bad times but we have always managed to work through anything and everything that life has thrown at us throughout the years, this I believe makes our bond stronger and our love grow deeper. 

 Terry is my ROCK, he is the one who puts up with my craziness, he is the one who puts up with my wild emotions (I am a Cancer after all), he is the one that reminds me to look at things differently if I am NOT looking at the big picture, he is the one who guides me and picks me up when I fall, he is the one that held my hand when I first saw my fathers casket, he is the one that is strong when I am weak, he is the one that calms me down and helps me think rationally, he is the one that I know will always be there, he is the one that despite my weirdness and quirky ways still loves me, he is the one who stays calm when I get mad, he is the one I look to for comfort, he is the one that has stolen my heart, he is the one that I am more in love with today then yesterday, he is the one I am growing old with, he is my one and only true love, he is the father of my children, he is my HUSBAND!!!!

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I do NOT recommend knowing someone for 6 months and getting married.  However, I do believe that it can work, we are proof that it can, you can find your love and know immediately (for others it takes time)!  In any relationship you have to grow together, and in our case I was 18 and he was 20 so we not only grew as a couple but grew up together and have been raising a family for 19 years of our marriage.  We still continue to grow as a couple and we are still growing up and older together.  Is a person ever really grown up or are they just a little wiser?

I truly hope that everyone some day can experience the joy and happiness that can happen between two people that makes you grow as a person, that is the yin to your yang, that makes your life complete.  Finding true love and being happy is what part of life is all about, who cares if you are married, who cares if it takes 10 years to find your soul mate, who cares if no one else likes your choice, who cares if you are the oddest couple around, who cares as long as YOU are truly happy!!!!  There is more to life than worrying about what other people think!!

Life without my husband?!?!  I cannot even imagine life without him!  Who else could I complain to that would listen with one hand, offer advice in the other hand or tell me I’m being ridiculous with a simple look and yet at times listen to me complain but yet let it all go in one ear and out the other and still make me feel better for letting me complain even though it didn’t accomplish a thing!!??!!  It is nice to have a companion to dream about what we will do together when the youngest is out of high school, 3 1/2 years to be exact.  It is nice to make plans of traveling the US with our 2014 Indian Chieftain (our 20 year Anniversary gift).  It is nice to have someone to make goals with on what we want for the future.  It is just nicer than nice to have someone to be there for you and to have someone to lean on.

It is hard to believe that we have been together for 20 years already.  It seems like just yesterday we got married, then the babies came and then they started school.  Where has all the time gone?  I swear it feels like every year goes by faster than the last.  With my boys getting older and starting to leave home I have sat back and reflected on our lives together, we have accomplished a lot and we still continue to grow together, we have done a lot of things, we still have fun together, we still laugh together and we still enjoy being with each other and planning for our future, we still love each other!

I know that my husband Terry reads my posts, so today this post on my Blog I am dedicating to him……to you, my hubby…….for all your love and support, for loving me for who I am, for always taking care of your family, for being there when I need you, for growing up and older with me, for providing me with 3 wonderful boys and for being here to help me raise them, but most importantly, thank you for being my HUSBAND!!!  Happy 20 Year Anniversary!!!

Luv ya, me…….your wife, Robin Robinson

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Silent Love

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To open your heart: is a wonderful thing.
To open your heart: is to listen.
To open your heart: is to be patient.
To open your heart: is being kind.
To open you heart: is rewarding.
To open your heart: is to live.
To open your heart: is sometimes painful.
To open your heart: is showing you care.
To open your heart: is fulfilling.
To open your heart: is what life’s about.
To open your heart: is peace of mind.
To open your heart: is how we are vulnerable.
To open your heart: is to laugh.
To open your heart: is saying it will be all right.
To open your heart: is saying I Love You.
To open your heart: is to cry.
To open our heart: is to love and be loved.
To open our heart: is happiness.
To open our heart: is sorrow.
To open you heart: is to share your life.
To open your heart: is to learn.
To open your heart: is life’s simple pleasures.
To open your heart: is to let others in.
To open your heart: is to love.
To open your heart: is a wonderful thing.
Robin Robinson

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A Mothers Love……

The love of a mother is like no other! It begins before they ever see, touch or hear their child.

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The bond begins immediately and remains throughout their lives. Regardless of any speed bumps along the way! At least this is what I believe.

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The love that I have for ALL three of my boys is far greater than I could of ever imagined. I love them with all my heart and am the proudest mom of each of them!

However, I do NOT just love my biological boys, I also love all of the others that are constantly at our house!! Some are related and others are just the kids’ friends.

Growing up, one of the best and most important things that I learned was to treat everybody the same as if they were blood. My mother always treated any other child that came into our lives as though they were my sister or brother, we were equals. There was NO special treatment for any of us, just unconditional love. No matter who they were or where they came from!

I have the enjoyable pleasure of being called “MOM” by my own kids, by the kids constantly at our house and also by lots more in and out of High School! It brings a smile to my face and keeps my heart full!!

I truly wish that others, both men and women could accept kids for who they are on the inside and not judge them by some of their tough exteriors or smart ass ways. We as adults do NOT always know why a child acts the way they do and may never know, but there is always a reason. Maybe they have a broken home, an abusive parent, maybe they are just shy and struggle with who they are, maybe they have a great family life on the exterior but lack some much needed love and attention or maybe they are just an active child who has issues sitting still and staying quiet!!

These kids are NOT grownups, they are still trying to figure out who they are and many of us adults still struggle with our own identities and shame on us for looking down on these kids!!!

I substitute teach at the schools off and on and it sincerely breaks my heart every time I hear a teacher talk badly about any of the kids, when they tell me about a dislike for a particular kid or when they point out the bad problem kids and tell me to just send them to the office if any sort of problem arises big or small! Didn’t they go to school to teach, shouldn’t they have a love for teaching and a love for their students and be concerned with their ability to succeed?!?!?! Why reward them by getting out of class, shouldn’t you be worried about earning their respect which in turn would help them learn and pass your class?!?! (NOT all teachers are like this!!)

All I see are children, kids who have yet to find their true place in the world!! Most of the time their “problem kids” are ones that I have no problems with. Teachers are amazed at the fact I can get their “problem students” to get any work done, after all, I am only a substitute!

By showing you care, by flipping crap back at the kids instead of taking it personal, by NOT letting them get away with stuff, by becoming someone they know they can talk to without being judged, by being there as a role model, by offering stability and a safe environment, and just by setting a good consistent example and sense of some sort of stability……I believe can have a positive affect!!!

I honestly try to live by all of this with my own three sons! I try to be open with my kids, I try to be the best mother I can, yet, at the same time I NEVER want them to be afraid to talk to me, about anything!!! I want to be there, to offer advice and to hopefully guide them in the right direction and to be there for them when they stumble along the way no matter what their age!

The bond between a “Mother and Child” should NEVER be broken, it should remain forever, it starts when a child is in the womb. However, I have seen mothers mistreat, ignore, blame their kids for what’s wrong in their lives, I’ve seen them not care where their kid is even after days of being gone and not checking on them to make sure they are safe, I’ve even seen some mothers pretty much disowning their kids. As a Mother myself, I cannot understand this nor fathom blaming my kids for anything that has happened in my own life! How, as a Mother can you let anything get between you? You are suppose to love, nurture, be their protector and guide them through life! Yes, they will make mistakes along the way, we all did but a Mother should always be there when needed most!!

My boys are getting older, the oldest is already in College, the middle is a Junior and our youngest is a Freshman and I sincerely hope that as a Mother, I have succeeded at doing my job thus far, I am NOT perfect but I am who I am.

To ME…….this is what Motherly Love is all about……..biological or not!

I truly wish everyone felt the same way!!!!

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Robin Robinson

The Bully Too Close To Home….

I read this on Facebook today and felt the need to share it on my Blog. I too have been guilty of this with my own children but have never really thought about it like this mother was able to explain, until now.
Below is the FB post:

“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.”
–Brene Brown

During the two years of my overly distracted life, I communicated more to a screen than to the people in my family. My schedule was so tightly packed that I constantly found myself saying, “We don’t have time for that.” And because there wasn’t a minute to spare, that meant no time to relax, be silly, or marvel at interesting wonders along our path. I was so focused on my “agenda” that I lost sight of what really mattered.

Calling all the shots was a mean voice in my head. My internal drill sergeant was continually pushing me to make everything sound better, look better, and taste better. My body, my house, and my achievements were never good enough. Holding myself to such unattainable standards weighed heavily on my soul and my inner turmoil eventually spilled out at people I loved the most.

Sadly, there was one person in particular who bore the brunt of my discontent: my first-born daughter.

She could not make mess without me shaking my head in disappointment.

She could not forget her homework, her jacket, or her lunchbox without me making a big deal about it.

She could not spill,
stain,
break,
or misplace
without being made to feel like she’d made the worst mistake in the world.

Although it pains me to write this, I remember sighing heavily in annoyance when she fell down and hurt herself because it threw me off my “master schedule.” My daughter was not allowed to be a child who learned by trying and yes, sometimes failing.

The truth hurts, but the truth heals … and brings me closer to the person and parent I want to be.

Every time I came down hard on my daughter, I justified my behavior by telling myself I was doing it to help her—help her become more responsible, capable, efficient, and prepare for the real world.

I told myself I was building her up.

But in reality, I was tearing her down.

I vividly remember the day my mother was visiting from out-of-town. The children were playing alone in the basement. My younger daughter began crying hysterically. I ran downstairs fearing she was seriously hurt.

The first question out of my mouth was directed at my older daughter. “What did you do?” I asked angrily.

My child didn’t bother to explain that her little sister had slipped on the library book that was sitting on the bottom step. There really was no point. My beautiful child with humongous brown eyes that once held so much optimism looked defeated. Silent tears of a broken spirit slid down her face. My daughter knew it didn’t matter what she said, she’d still be wrong; it would still be her fault.

And there was my mother standing beside her, a silent witness to the whole ugly scene.

As my older daughter ran off to the sanctity of her bedroom, an unexpected question came out of my mouth. “You think I am too hard on her, don’t you?” I snapped.

My mom, who’d experienced her own difficult parenting moments and struggles, held no judgment in her eyes, only sadness. Her simple response of “yes” only confirmed what I knew in my heart.

I mustered up the courage to find the words that needed to be said. Apologizing didn’t come easily for someone who strived to make everything look perfect all the time, but I knew what needed to be said.

I found my child crumpled up like a dejected rag doll on top of her bed—her face puffy and red from crying.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

My daughter didn’t move.

I sat down on the edge of her bed and began saying things I’d never said to another human being—not even myself. “I feel mad inside a lot. I often speak badly about myself in my head. I bully myself. And when I bully myself, it makes me unhappy and then I treat others badly—especially you. It is not right, and I am going to stop. I am not sure how, but I will stop. I am so very sorry,” I vowed trying not to cry.

My daughter looked unsure as to what to do with this confession, this unusual offering from her mother who rarely admitted any wrongdoing. I didn’t blame her for the skeptical look she gave me. I understood why she didn’t say anything back, but somewhere in those eyes I saw hope—hope that things could be different.

I desperately wanted things to be different too. It was time to stop being so hard on my child; it was time to stop being so hard on myself. I prayed I could stand up to the inner bully. I knew I needed an easy first step. I decided to use one simple word: STOP.

Within the hour, I had a chance to try it. The first critical thought that popped into my head arose as I was preparing to leave the house. I looked at my reflection and thought, “You look fat. You can’t go out looking like that.”

“Stop!” I assertively thought to myself, shutting down any further criticisms. Then I quickly turned away from the mirror and recited these words: “Only love today. Only love today.”

I used the same strategy when interacting with my child a few minutes later. Before any harsh words came out of my mouth about the way she was sloppily packing her bag of things, I cut off my inner critic by saying, “Stop! Only love today.” Then I swallowed the hurtful words and relaxed my disapproving face.

Within mere days of using the “stop” technique, I noticed a change. With a more positive thought process, it was easier to let go of the need to control, dictate, and criticize. In response, my daughter began taking more chances and began revealing her true passions. She started movie making and website design on the computer. She made doll furniture and clothing to sell in the neighborhood. She began baking new recipes without any help. Nothing she did was perfect. Nor was it mess-free or mistake-free, but the moment I said something positive, I saw her blossom a little more. That is when I began to clearly see beyond the mistakes and messes to what was truly important.

I began noticing my child’s inner beauty rather than looking for perfection on the outside.

I began paying more attention to the person she was rather than the successes she achieved.

I began letting her be who she was meant to be instead of some idealistic version I had in my head.

When I stopped being a bully to my child and myself opportunities for growth and connection opened up. Over time, significant progress was made. In a little less than two years on my journey to let go of perfection and distraction, I received the confirmation I never thought I would receive.

My daughter was outside before school tending to a garden she created smack dab in the middle of the yard. I watched from the kitchen window as she lovingly tended to her miniature plot. I was captivated by the utter joy on her face. She was clearly at peace.

Since my dad loves to garden and had taught my daughter a few things, I took a picture and sent my parents. Nothing could have prepared me for the gift I would receive in return.

My parents wrote: “Thank for this precious picture of our beautiful granddaughter. Over the last two years, we have seen a tremendous change in her. We no longer see a scared look in her eyes; she is less fearful about you being upset or impatient with her. She is much happier and more relaxed. She is thriving and growing into a content, creative, and nurturing person. We know for a fact the changes we see in her coincide with the changes we have also seen in you.”

My friends, I have the following message to offer anyone who wants to believe today can be different than yesterday:

If you think that criticizing, belittling, or critiquing yourself will make you smarter, fitter, or more valuable, please reconsider.

If you think badgering, bullying, or constantly correcting your child will make him or her more likable, more confident, or more successful, please reconsider.

Because the truth is this:

It’s hard to love yourself with a bully breathing down your neck.

It’s hard to love yourself when the one person who’s supposed love you unconditionally doesn’t.

It’s hard to become the person you’re supposed to be when you aren’t allowed to fall down and get back up.

If we want our children to become who they’re meant to be, let’s ease up. “Nobody’s perfect” can be two of the most empowering, healing words when said to oneself or to another human being.

Let’s stop the ridicule. Let’s stop the relentless pressure. Let’s stop the impossible pursuit of perfection.

Only love today, my friends. Only love today.

Because love is always a good place to start a new beginning.
–Brene Brown

*********************
Hug your children and tell them you love them no matter what their age!!!! This insight into someone else’s life does make me stop and reflect on my own life and actions not only with my children but with my husband and others…….

Here’s some things to think about…..
– How many times have you gotten upset at someone just to discover you really aren’t sure why it upset you?
– How many times have you been in an argument just because you were in a bad mood and yet there was really nothing to argue about?
– How many times have you been down on your kids because they aren’t perfect about doing something, quick enough or because they aren’t doing something the way you would do it?
– How many times have you taken your frustrations and worries out on others with your bad mood and/or attitude that had nothing to do with them in the first place?
– How many times have you said “I’m Sorry” or taken any accountability when you later realize you were in the wrong?

This story makes me want to take a deep breath, hug my boys tight and start looking at myself better before I come down on them. I have already been working on trying to get them to understand where we are coming from and to get them to understand why we are so hard on them sometimes. And yes, sometimes I snap at them because of my mood but never thought about how my actions may be affecting them!! I am also guilty of this with others, young and old due to my mood.

I have been working hard to be a better person and I believe that a positive attitude towards everything and everyone NO matter what is the best thing and creates a more positive atmosphere by not worrying about things beyond my control (as much as possible anyhow). I try NOT to dwell on the negatives in life but look at the positive things that I have and the loved ones I have in my life!!! The only thing I truly wish for, is for my children to be happy in whatever they do and I hope that my husband and I have done a good enough job in raising them for the lives they have ahead in the real world!! The real world is a scary place……I firmly believe that “The only thing in life you can control is yourself!!!!”

I Love My Boys……

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Early Christmas Wish

Christmas time is the time to make new memories, cherish our loved ones, be thankful for what we have in life and to bring families together.

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May your heart be filled with joy and may you bring happiness to others!! It is the simple things
And the people in your life that should mean the most.

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Be kind to everyone and spread the cheer of happiness. May we all, be able to touch someone and make this a better time of year!

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I am wishing everyone, near and far a Merry Christmas and a heart filled with joy!!!

Loved ones are an easy and safe target……

Do you push your loved ones, your family and good friends away? I bet you do this more than you realize. We tend to do this without meaning to, without meaning to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Sometimes, we push away the ones we are close to, our loved ones because they are safe. They are safe because it seems that no matter what we say or do they are always there for us. They are always trying to cheer us up, they are understanding and most of all they love us unconditionally and in the end forgive us no matter what.

Other times, we push away the ones we love because of what we say and/or do that brings them to their breaking point. Our loved ones may eventually take our actions personally, they have put up with it far too long or other times it is just a bad combination and things are said by both parties that hurt and pushes the other away.

The majority of the time we do not realize what we are doing or what we may have done. Sometimes, it is as simple as being grumpy with one person, being negative or the looks we give them just because we are in a bad mood or stressed and they are safe to be an ass too. Yet, at the same time we will act like normal with others. We do not want others to know that we are stressed or upset but yet our safe loved ones are an easy target, they are the ones by our side.

Sometimes we have had a bad day, we are stressed, we are just grumpy and we take our frustrations out on our loved ones by instantly trying to pick a fight with them. Trying to get a rise out if our loved ones in hopes to make them mad and argue therefore somehow making ourselves feel better about being in the mood we are in. ( Many times this just happens because the loved one is there.)

Sometimes, we fly off the handle towards a loved one and say things that should not have been said. Sometimes we say very hurtful things wether true or not. Sometimes, when we take it out on our loved ones with what we say towards them may feel and sound as if it’s what they believe to be true so we take it personally. Sometimes in the heat of the moment either party says stuff to get back at the other to hurt them before we realize what we have said or how it will hurt our loved one.

Other times we take it out on the ones we love because we have no one else to vent to. Would your boss fire you if you flew off and yelled at him? Would an acquaintance take it personal and still want to be your friend even though they really don’t know you? I think not!! This is why we take it out on the ones we love, they are safe and should still be there for us in the end.

All too often we take our loved ones for granted. We take for granted that they will always be there for us. What if they can’t take it anymore or worse, what if something happens to them before we can make things right and they are gone forever?

In life we are ALL guilty of pushing loved ones away. Sometimes, more often than not. Some people never learn or realize what they are doing, what they are saying and how it hurts their loved ones. Sometimes they are always right and never wrong and think it is just their loved ones’s fault.

Sometimes we realize what we have done and/or what we are doing but do not know how to say “I’m sorry” or how to correct it and believe it’s too late, it’s done and over with so no need to let our loved ones know that we may have been wrong in what we said or did.

It is NEVER too late to try and reach out with any of our loved ones that we may have pushed away or have wronged in any way big or small. It is NOT a sign if weakness but a sign if bettering yourself. Even if you feel that you did not start the friction, did you contribute? Did you say things you shouldn’t have to hurt their feelings, did you feed off of their anger and add fuel to their fire that made things worse?

Even the little things that are said and done can add up and break a loved one down. A loved one may feel sad, confused, bitter, inadequate, unwanted, unappreciated, angry or even as though they shouldn’t even be around when in fact they are very needed, they are the strength that keeps us going, they are our motivation to do and be better. We just do not know how to let them know it in a positive way.

Try to pay attention a little more. Pay attention to your actions when you are in a bad mood, stressed, or when someone is taking their anger and frustrations out on you and you lash back. Is what you say or how you act really necessary? Is it your loved ones fault? Often, it is just a habit and comes natural without thinking and realizing what we are doing or saying.

If you try to become aware of why your loved ones stay away, why they ignore you or why they are being the way they are with you more often, you may learn how to recognize and minimize the hurt you may cause to loved ones. You may be able to prevent hurtful situations or quickly fix them. Or, you may be able to realize when your loved ones are just taking it out on you because you are there, you are safe and that they in fact need you and you should try not to take it personally and that they are blowing off some steam.

Remember, the only thing in life you can control is yourself and if you want your loved ones in your life try not to push them away and do not let them push you away over words!!!!

Robin Robinson

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Dogs vs. Humans

Dogs, they are a wonderful companion!! It is amazing how they have such loyalty and unconditional love!!!

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No matter what your mood they are always there to greet you, they are eager for your attention.

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Dogs have a great sense of when a human being is sad, upset or just in need of cheering up!! Often they will be at your side ready to give kisses and cheer you up!

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Dogs are great at being a companion so that you are not alone. Dogs are a great friend who will always listen, never talk back and love you always.

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When times get tough we humans tend to take it out on our 4 legged friends. We may yell, scream, ignore, be annoyed, and yes, even a bit abusive to our dogs in one way or another. Even though our attitude and behavior has nothing to do with them. A dog loves us anyways, they forgive us and they are still there for us with their unconditional love.

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Dogs are great protectors! They have great eye sight, they hear things far away, they have a keen sense of other humans at first glance/first smell and they will protect us against anything. They have a fifth sense of sorts that we as humans cannot always detect. They are instant protectors of their human friends, their family!!

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Dogs, we are quick to forgive. If they chew up a favorite shoe, if they tear open their bed and shred the stuffing all over the house, if they have an accident and go potty in the house, if they get into the garbage…….it doesn’t matter what they do we always forgive them. The dog may get into a lot of trouble and be in a time out for a bit but we always forgive them. Is this because they do not talk back, because they do not yell back and say hurtful things, is it because they keep coming back to us asking for forgiveness and to just pet and love them again?!?!

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It may seem a bit silly but I wish we as human beings could let go and love so easily and unconditionally. Some dogs get beat, starved, greatly neglected and some eventually killed. However, they are still loving, forgiving and loyal protectors and often become the best dog you could ever wish for once in the right environment.

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Dogs are kind-hearted, loving, loyal, protectors, forgiving and a part of the family. A dogs life to me sounds a bit like us humans, except that we tend to get hung up on things that have happened in the past, we forgive far less and we take too much of what happens personally and seriously!

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Look at how happy dogs are by not holding grudges and loving everyone unconditionally. They forgive us no matter what we say or do to them or at them!!!

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There are indeed similarities between dogs and humans.

In life, if more human beings could be more forgiving, loving and kind-hearted towards each other we would be a happier society, we would have more family unity and our children would have more positive examples to learn from.

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